Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Online Dating – The Final Frontier Part III: Creating a Dynamic Profile

Your profile is like your resume or your PR statement to the world. Potential partners can only judge you on what you write. So this is where you will wow them! When writing your profile keep it light & to the point. If you can, make it witty or slightly cheeky.

When it comes to the internet, being a wall flower does not get you what you want! Don’t misunderstand me, this doesn’t mean become uber extroverted if that’s not who you are. You want to make sure your profile is a true representation of your personality. This is about telling people about the person you are right now not about the person who you want to be, used to be or are when you’re drunk.

The rule with profiles seems to be that if you’re a man, women will read your profile in depth & think about what you’ve said & if your lifestyle will match theirs. If you’re a woman, men will mostly look at your pictures & skim read your profile for key words & phrases. Sad, but true. So, let’s get to work & get you noticed!!

1. Your Profile Picture (& supplementary pictures)

The biggest advice I can give you is don’t use pictures that look nothing like you – the only person you’ll be cheating is yourself. RSVP lets you put up to five pictures on your profile so pick pictures that show you in different situations - one stunning picture of you at your best (which I suggest you use as your main picture), one average one, one doing something you love, one at night and one at day are some examples. The pictures MUST NOT be more than 6-8 months old. The more recent the better because a person can change a lot in 6 months!

A big NO is using someone else’s picture as your own – you want to attract partners on your qualities not someone else’s qualities. This will never work out well. One man told me about a woman he met online who had a completely different picture. When they met she was a completely different person than she had made out. When asked, she told him that she had a picture of a model to get men hooked and then won them over with her personality once they met. Whilst he said she was lovely and very easy to get along with, he couldn’t help but feel deceived and that there was a possibility lying was going to be a hobby of hers. That is a HORRIBLE impression to give a person, especially someone you may want to build an intimate relationship with!!

2. Avoid Clichés

If you’ve already started online dating then you’ve probably realised that after a while all the profiles tend to look the same. People telling you they are ‘very down to earth’ they ‘love going out, but also enjoy a quiet night at home cuddled up on the couch’ and that they’re ‘looking to meet new people’. Whilst these may all be perfectly true about you, they are completely & utterly overdone. If you still feel the need to put these things in your profile then I ask that you at least phrase it differently. Instead of saying “I’m down to earth” say something like “I like doing all the kinds of things 24yr olds year olds do, but with a high powered job to drive me & a fantastic family to ground me”.

On RSVP you get the chance to give yourself a ‘tag line’ on your profile that people see first. I suggest avoiding cliché’s like "You May be the One I'm Looking for" or "Willing to Lie About How We Met!", Just like telling people how “down to earth” you are, these are hideously overdone & get used to death on RSVP.

3. Don’t Lie

Be frank, upfront and honest – don’t exaggerate your hobbies or claim you love cooking if you can’t even boil water. If you lie about who you are, you aren’t going to meet the right person for you. If you’re looking for a ‘soul mate’ then you want to find someone who will love you just the way you are, kitchen disasters and all!

The best way to ensure a smooth date is to create a realistic image of what you look like. The biggest thing people lie about is the way they look. Don’t claim you’re fit if you are average and don’t claim you’re average if you are overweight. Be proud of your shape and size because being confident is always sexy. No one wants to turn up for a date with a man who claims he is 25 & 6 foot only to find a 40 year old hobbit waiting for them. If you wouldn’t want the other person to lie about it, then don’t do it yourself!

For example: don’t say you love going out if you’re a recluse, don’t say you love animals if you’re petrified of anything with teeth & don’t say your family oriented if you haven’t seen them in 4 months.

4. All the stuff in between

I said in the last topic that you should be open and honest with people you meet, however, there is such a thing as being too honest. One of the men I met had been through a rough break up with the relationship falling apart because of lies and mistrust. His plan to counteract this happening again was to give me his whole life story in graphic detail of all his bad parts before we even met. My instant reaction was ‘ARGGHH! Get away from me!’ Don’t project your baggage onto another person. Actually its best not to talk about ex’s at all unless the other person brings it up, and if they do ask say something like ‘He/She was a great person, but we wanted different things”. Regardless of what they say, people don’t want to know about your past boyfriends or girlfriends.

When writing your Bio keep it light & friendly. Don’t say anything negative. Read your Bio back to yourself looking for anything that could be taken as negative or depressing. Don’t tell people what you haven’t done, tell them what you do! Here are some examples of things you can put into your profile:

“Weekends I am clubbing, drinking cocktails at my favourite tapas place with my best friends & going to music festivals”

“One thing that makes me happy is organising picnics and BBQ’s with my closest friends. We pack a basket of delicious food & go find a fantastic view”

“I have a weekly dinner with my family and I adore it. They never cease to make me smile”

“My idea of a perfect Saturday is a big breakfast, a great coffee & then going rock climbing”

A pet hate of mine is people who ask questions in their Bio’s! DON’T DO IT!!! Haha. Also, avoid giving out too much personal information. You don’t want to give the men you aren’t interested in a chance at tracking you down.

Not getting enough hits on your profile? A simple rule – unless you want a very minimal amount of views, don’t make your profile picture private. As an experiment I made my pictures private for a week and was shocked to see my views drop from 500 a week to under 50 a week. That is a massive drop in potential partners! Like they say, love is a numbers game!

Getting too much contact? Try narrowing down your list by amending your ‘my preferred partner’ details. Do you want a man/woman who is a vegetarian? Doesn’t smoke? Loves pets? Doesn’t have kids but wants them? Then don’t be shy, make your type clear. If you wanted to meet someone who didn’t meet your criteria then you may as well have stayed at your local pub.
Still not sure? Email me or leave a comment & let me know what your questions are.

x Sunny x

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