Monday, 6 December 2010

The Importance of a Kiss

On my most recent trip to Melbourne I encountered something strange and unusual: A man who was a completely terrible kisser. It felt like being 13 again. I guess I had just gotten so used to dating confident, experienced men. Who was to know that this sweet, intelligent young man was going to be the titanic of making out? It was like someone was attacking my face & was definitely not cool.


It all started out so well. Two of my best friends & I were staying in a modern 2 bedroom apartment in the heart of the city, enjoying ourselves immensely and shopping up a storm. The boy in question (let's call him Frank) seemed like a total catch, he was cute in a nerdy way, ridiculously intelligent and very fit. We got on fantastically & had loads in common. It was all going so well until BAM he tried to kiss me & I felt like my lips were being assaulted.

Now, it's not in my nature to sit there & let this kind of travesty continue. I promptly told him to stop, and then asked him whether he'd ever really kissed a girl before. I was absolutely astounded to hear he hadn't… especially seeing as he was older than me! In the interest of preventing the same reaction in any girls Frank will date in the future I gave him some quick tips & techniques to help him out. Then I promptly said goodnight & went upstairs to our apartment to tell my two friends everything – let's face it, that's how girls roll.

Kissing is an important part of dating. Kissing is a way to show affection, to let someone know you really like them and it is essentially foreplay, it gives you a preview of how the person will conduct themselves the bedroom. Being a bad kisser sends the wrong message to your potential lover. The more feeling there is behind the kiss, the more enjoyable it will be. So in the interest of helping mankind – here are some guidelines for mouth to mouth action.

Before the kiss:

1. Mints. Seriously. Lots of mints. Bad breath is the worst thing ever.

2. If you're a guy, shave. Imagine kissing a woman who has sandpaper on her face. It's not pleasant. In the 1962 movie Lolita James Mason says "All the best people shave twice a day". That is something I will definitely be teaching my sons.

3. Wash your face. Someone is going to be up close and personal with your skin, make sure it is as smooth & pleasant smelling as possible.

4. Wear perfume/cologne. But don't bathe in it! The best method is to spray it a couple times in the air in front of you & then walk into it. Don't ever spray perfume/cologne onto your clothes, always on to your skin.

5. Grooming – eyebrows tidy & any unwanted facial hair gone. Lips should be smooth & soft.

6. Make sure you are attracted to the person, mutual attraction is essential to a great kiss.

As the kiss approaches:

1. Do not jump the person. No one likes to be taken by surprise, especially if it's the first kiss.

2. Relax. And I mean it. So many people trip themselves up simply because they over think it or they worry too much. It will all be fine so just calm down!

3. Make eye contact & smile at your partner. However, don't get a serial killer look going, just a natural smile and be your regular charming self.

4. As Will Smith said in Hitch "Come 90% and let the other person come the last 10%". After all, you have to make them work for it!

During the kiss:

1. Don't use too much tongue. No tongue the first time is always your best option.

2. Don't be sloppy. Don't let your kiss become more like an encounter with a great dane.

3. Be gentle. Soft, sweet kisses are the best way to start. Once things progress then you can take a more passionate approach. But seriously, don't attack her face.

4. Don't suck too hard. No one wants a face hickie. You shouldn't be sucking at all.

5. No biting.

6. Be mindful of where your hands are. You could put them on the girls lower back (I said back, not ass) or around his neck. If that's too much you could always put one hand gently on the side of their face or neck.

7. When you pull apart, smile!! A smile tells the other person you enjoyed it!

Have any other questions? Just ask me!

Happy kissing!

x Sunny x

1 comment:

Sally Shaw said...

Sunny, I have to say this is absolutely hilarious in a good way! Yes, we as girls DO go straight to our close girlfriends and tell all, and the kissing advice, well said!
x